Summer Goals

Last night Chris and I had a super duper heart to heart about life, specifically what we could do to improve our lives. I had been texting him that afternoon saying that I was ready to make a big change in my lifestyle, particularly in the diet and exercise department.
Honestly, I have never been more happy with myself. I don't have near as much body shame as in the past. Women tend to have so many imagined inadequacies, and I am no different.
A postpartum body can be difficult to love, but it is worth it. Not just for ourselves, but for our children. I already see so many of my actions reflected in my beautiful little girl. She joins me in the bathroom as I brush my hair, she begs for her own toothbrush when I grab mine, and she is always watching for my reactions to new people and places. If I don't want her self-worth to be tied to arbitrary beauty rules of society, then I have to start with me. I've been especially working on doing things because I love them, not because I am worried about how others will see me. It is a lifelong work in progress. The results, so far, have been tremendous. I can see a noticeable difference in my attitude toward myself.
The biggest result was in my admittance that I was unhappy with my weight. When at the lowest points in my body shame I would try to push everything away. Compliments, comments, advice, suggestions; all fell upon cynical ears. Any mention of weight or exercise nearly sent me to tears. Even the most well-meant concerns from my own mother (who I can always trust to be honest and kind with me) were met with contempt. Anything nice said about me was a lie. My solution was to ignore the problem entirely. I have a feeling that if this attitude continues I will find myself in a trap of internal self-loathing and comfort eating. I feel I should clarify, I am not to a point where I could be considered obese, but I am overweight. I am a particularly small person, and to let myself pretend that I am in an average weight bracket compared to women significantly taller than me is irresponsible.
As a younger person I had the extreme fortune of being in possession of a "hollow leg." I never had to worry about my caloric intake, or my sugar allowances. I fell into some unhealthy habits. Now I must face the reality that I am older and, while I have the same body, it can not be expected to operate outside the laws of time and nature. I can't allow myself to eat like a worry-free 16 year old anymore.
I can not stress enough that I am proud of myself. I am willing to accept my flaws with humility. I am not starting a diet in search of a perfect body. I love my body. I do not have expectations of looking like a movie star, or instantly ridding myself of any and all body issues I may have. I am doing this to be a healthy and happy person. I am doing this because I am tired of being tired. I am not looking for a quick solution to shed a few pounds and return to my old habits. I am starting an overhaul of mind and body.

Last night I put together my three-fold goal for a happier Julie:

• Clean eating
• Clean living
• Clean heart

I've already talked the first part to death, so quickly I want to share what the other two mean to me.
Clean living is meant to encompass the state of my home, my finances, and my relationships. Clean heart refers to my spiritual well-being. I want to get more out of my church attendance, which will be much easier after Erika is old enough for nursery, but also my private worship. These are three things that I can not afford to neglect. These are obviously not things that can change overnight, but I hope to improve them over time.

If you happened to read this all the way through, I would just like to mention that this is something very serious and dear to me. It really is not in my nature to share this kind of thing publicly, but Chris thinks it would be good for me and I feel like some accountability would be beneficial. I know from failed past attempts that clear definitions and expectations of goals are a key part of success. This blog is meant to get two birds with one stone. I'll share my goals and my (hopefully) triumphs. But I'll also share my regular stuff too. :)

Goals for this week:

• Order a digital scale, because I know our old one is off
• Go grocery shopping, focus on healthy alternatives, fruits and vegetables
• Make a weekly menu plan
• 3 small healthy meals and 2-3 snacks each day
• Water only! 64oz, at least, and 16oz before each meal
• No eating out
• 30 minutes cardio everyday
• 30 minutes weight training every other day (Chris is really excited to help with this one)

Crossed out = done! The last few are ongoing. Once my scale gets here (thursday) I am going to post my starting weight (heaven help me). I haven't decided if I'm going to actually post pictures but I am going to take them.

Wish me luck!

Zoo Pics: Daddy Edition

We finally went to the zoo with Daddy! Chris has always loved animals and has been bummed he hasn't been to the zoo with his little minion yet. We don't often have totally plan-free Saturdays, so when Chris asked what we were doing today I heartily suggested the zoo.

One especially fun part was the bird show. We sat next to a gal who actually works the show and had brought her kids for the day. She told us a lot of fun things about the show and the birds.

A blurry photo before the bird show (forgot the manual focus was on)

The bird show was even more amazing from the awesome seats we had!

Erika insisted she sit by herself for the show, silly toddler

Pointing at the monkeys

Daddy graciously lent his shoulders for the reptile house

The gorilla was Erika's animal of choice this trip. This silverback was so much fun to watch and very active.

Another favorite, the elephant!

Of course, the lion says Rawr!

On the train

Train, again

The end of our visit, she was very tired.

It was a hot day, but super fun! And having Chris with us meant I actually got pictures of me! About half of Erika's words right now involve animals, she is smitten with them and gets excited on every zoo trip. One of the best parts of being a parent (there are a lot) is doing fun things together, and the zoo is definitely something all three of us enjoy.

BBQs and July go hand in hand!

We've had a lot of fun so far this summer! Our biggest summer surprise was an unexpected refund check from our old car insurance that allowed us to buy a BBQ grill! I have been wanting one since last summer, and we finally took the plunge! We've sure eaten a lot of burgers so far. My new absolute favorite has to be grilled bananas with brown sugar.

To go with our increase in time spent outside we invested in an outdoor toy to keep Erika occupied. She loves her Princess castle!

A table and seat for snack time

Erika and her Prince Daddy!

Like we have every year of our marriage, we headed up to Chris' grandma's for the Fourth of July. We have especially loved going there since we moved. Our neighborhood is parade route territory and the traffic gets crazy. Great-Grandma lives in a small town that is much more our pace. We sit in the front yard of her house in the shade and watch the two dozen or so floats (or more accurately trailers pulled by tractors) go by and collect a fair amount of candy. This year I forgot my nice camera. :( Here is a picture I stole from my sister in law.

Erika with Grandma

That evening we joined my family for fireworks. Erika loved them! She kept yelling, "Wow!" Overall it was a great Fourth!

A chair just her size!

Chris' response to me asking for a nice smile, as per usual.

We put some glow sticks in Erika's binky. She didn't like it very much.

My baby sisters

I think I'm ready to start really keeping up on this blog. In february we invested in a much nicer camera and I need a place to show off my pictures!

So much has happened in the past year, I'll just give a little overview:

Chris received a promotion in february, which has been a tremendous blessing to us. He has been working very hard on his schooling and is doing so well! He was formally accepted into the business school and will start his upper division classes in the fall.

I'm still getting used to the stay at home mom life, but I love it for the most part. It is difficult to not let my days get away from me without the structure that I used to have with school and work, but we're getting better. Erika and I have fun together, especially now that she is learning words. I try to read to her as much as I can and she is picking up new things quickly. I am have two callings in my ward that keep me busy as well; activity days and relief society enrichment night committee.

Erika loves all things dogs and My Little Pony. She is exploding with energy and happiness while Chris and I do our best to keep up. Her vocabulary is ever-expanding, as well as her memory for people, games and objects. She says Mommy very distinctly, but hasn't quite mastered Daddy. She can point to her eyes, ears, mouth and belly button. She is getting better at answering yes and no questions and is very particular about everything she does. All in all, she has embraced toddlerhood with overwhelming independence. She and I took swim lessons in June and she has become quite the fish.

The two biggest items in our life recently are the acquisition of a new minivan (finally a second car!) and a zoo membership! We've been to the zoo with a lot of friends and family!

Have some zoo pictures!

Our first zoo trip! The Aunts and Uncle loved taking their favorite (and only) niece.

A very friendly sea lion

She is definitely a grandpa's girl!

Look! A baby gorilla!

Erika with one of her best friends

On the train with Davis cousins!

Erika's closest cousin in age

Don't let her face fool you, she loves the zoo!

More cousins!